I don't know why, but today I got all nostalgic about blogging as I was rereading through some of my previous posts. Even though I've had ample topics to blog on having been to a host of different countries and volunteering in some unique and different places, I just never found the motivation to go public with my thoughts. Thinking back, I don't see how I ever had the discipline to religiously blog once-a-week as was my ritual in Richmond and Ecuador.
In a way, I'm glad I refrained from blogging as I bounced around the East Coast, the Pacific Northwest, Southeast Asia, and Spain. I replaced blogging with journaling, and I found myself going deeper into my own thoughts than I ever had before. Additionally, my time away from blogging allowed me to be more present in my experiences; to spend less time tucked away in Internet cafes and more time loosing myself in the Craft Cave of Holden Village or exploring the streets of the Little India neighborhood of Singapore.
When you're hopping from city to city, country to country, making friends only long enough to where it hurts to say goodbye, thoughts of self-doubt tend to creep into your head. I would be lying to myself if I said this did not happen to me more than once. Naturally, I met other journeypeople who regualily undergo similar thought processes. We all get antsy when we are in a fixed location for an extended period of time, yet we crave the fruitfulness of human relationships that go along with putting down roots. What insues is a crazy cycle of making great friendships in a short amount of time, saying goodbye, and then putting in the effort to maintain that friendship over distance. A phenomenon emerges- even though I would be constantly surrounded by people, feelings of loneliness would unpredictibly come and go.
In the end, though, I am glad to have gone through these feelings as they have made me more equipt to deal with more serious relational stuggles that will come with losing loved ones, getting married, and other life changing events. I am also grateful to have learned so much from individuals coming from different backgrounds and living in different cultures- this more than anything fuels my desire to leave this great country again as soon as the opportunity arises.
Considering how many times I've changed scenery over the past 6 months, it's no wonder my anxiety is low as I approach my upcoming 10 month commitment to service in the AmeriCorps NCCC. I find expectations are often put to shame in the face of real experiences; therefore, I enter AmeriCorps simply planning to fully receive every challenge, every struggle, every surprise, and every joy as a blessing. If there's one thing I've learned throughout all my adventures so far, it's that one can learn from everything that comes their way. In AmeriCorps, I look forward to learning from the wisdom of others- my fellow corps members, those individuals that I'll serve, and my friends in family that I will keep in touch with back home.
So if you could put a life in a nutshell, this would be mine at the moment. In transition, I try to make up for time lost here at home, stay in touch with friends so recently departed, and anticipate the friendships I am sure to build over the next year! Ahh, life is so simple.
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